On the road again...
So in an attempt to branch out and meet new intersting people, i left the friendly confines of my desk to go see a movie in public, free of course via the UNI. It was put on by the college democrats, which are some of the snobbiest people i have met thus far in my uni life here.
The movies, "Outfoxed" and "Unprecidented" both very good. Very interesting. But it still hasn't regained my interests in politics. I got burned out. I am giong to cast my vote, whether it counts or not, i will cast it on tuesday the 2nd of november.
there is another run against bush, but i have decided not to do it. I asked the democrats if they wanted the information and they seemed more interested in campagining for republicans. Not the most down to earth people. Very rude. I hope all democrats arent like that... or i might just vote for independent and ralph naders of the world.
meeting with german professor went ok, she didnt yell at me too much. Back to the childish flash cards to learn verbs, adjective endings, pronouns, and prepositions. I am a wiz when it comes to English but i cant even understand the simplest german.
Dad's bday went ok, he called to say thanks for getting him a card, i left it on his steering wheel. I dropped it off after lunch so he would get a card at breakfast (brothers' card) lunch (mine) and dinner (mum's card).
this director of aviation at UND (university of north dakota) seems to be extremely utterly interested in having me in his program. He has sent me over 16 replies via email, my gmail mail box looks more like an instant message layout from the amont of stuff he has replied. I just think he is bored in his office. he looked over my unoffical transcripts which i faxed to him, via his own dime, and he asked if i was willing to cut short my study abroad to enroll in their ATC program asap. I didnt answer him yet on that part. he said the ATC field is going to be very wide open for people like me. Intelligent, high ACT scores, high gpa, high marks on flying. I have been looking over my options but for now, OZ for a year is still a go!
Matt and his husband are coming to stl. hopefully i will get to meet them. :-D
Das ist nicht gut
I need to refocus on school. I need to prove to myself that i can do this. Or i just need to cut back at work. Either way, i need to seriously put my nose to the grindstone. I got a "please see me after class" note at the top of my german test the other day.
NOT GOOD.
so now i am waiting patiently to be ripped a new one outside the professors office. Waiting for her to return from her lunch meeting. BARF. I got a lot more "you can redo for more credits" lately from her... i am taking her up on the offer. This is my last year in german, i promise you that. Its not fun anymore. Its not exciting. I like the language but i cant handle the mounted pressure to perform. Its getting to me. Whatever it is, its upsetting.
Gotta go... they are needing computers...
cheers
The Debate Continues
There is something about Uni life that makes you feel good. There is something in the air... wait... no its call intelligence. Two weeks ago, a halfminded youth pastor that attends this uni, wrote a letter to the editor of the Alestle. He told everyone that this years election is forever more important than all the other elections. He critized how Americans are letting go of the family and not protecting the sanity of marriage. How letting homosexuals get married would only lead to the collaspe of society as we know it.
Well not weeks, but days later, the paper's letter to the editor section grew from complaints about parking and trivial stuff and only taking up a half page to a massive campus wide debate that covers two pages of newspaper in a 8 page paper, every Tuesdays and Thursdays. For a lack of better words, letters to the editor have been pouring in, denoucing the youth pastor's views and riding his ass for not opening his eyes to what is beyond his four walled church. Even a very devout christian girl wrote in agreeing that the youth pastor was wrong in his assumptions and that he should not have said what he had said.
But the thing is that his letter to the editor was nothing less than poorly written, poorly thoughtout, and was full of societial mistakes. He used feminism to the wrong degree, mis using it to convey this thoughts that women should remain in the home to make better mothers and caregivers to children, he mis used issues such as social security to unfairly place blame on homosexuals for their drain on the system, saying it would cause even more problems with the monetary issues if homosexuals were allowed to tap into their parnters benefits.
People all week have been riding his ass, brutally bashing him with intelligent thoughts, words, and phrases to make him look like a shamed idiot that is just revenageful.
Many Illinois University systems have put in place policies that allow same sex partners to gain benefits/ health care, etc from their partner via the uni. This is great. I wish more state uni systems would adopt this policy. One person made a comment last Thursday, Universities are places in which free flowing, abstract, and sometimes controversial issues need to orginate from, you may not agree with them or you may agree with them, but all of these ideas need to be out in the open, and the university systems are the stepping stone for the nation.
I whole hearted agree. Much of the nations future attend college... and if we cant express our progressive thoughts here, how and where will we ever be able to express them.
Another letter today compared our narrow minded thoughts and policies to that of Europe's policies... we [Americans] are the most narrow minded country... with all our claims to freedom, we should be embracing changes not critizing them.
cheers
Die Welt ist unsere
I have to write these german journal entries for class every week, and since i cant write much in german yet, so I started to make up a sappy romantic stories. I can do that! No translations sorry... I am sure you can get the point though...
Kapitel 1
Klaus und Sarah bummelt an den Strand. Die Nacht ist sehr schön. Die Sterne zwinkern. Der groβe Mond macht der Augen Sarahs glitzern. Sie ist ganzes schönes Mädchen in der ganze Welt. Sarah hat deine Hande ausgeharrt. Klaus hat der Handes Sarah gehalten. Das sandige Wasser aufrollt die Fuβen. Das kalte Wasser fühlt sehr gut. Das kalte Wasser ist gleich eine Wasserfälle. Bloβ. Gewaltig. Unglaublich.
Klaus sagte Sarah „Machst du heiraten?“
„Ja, .... .....“
„Aber was?“ sagte Klaus.
„Ich liebe dich, aber wir sind zu junden.“
„Aber ich liebe dich, Sarah. Und du liebst mich. Und wir lieben diese Stelle. Und wir konnen zwei Kindern haben. Und wir konnen ein groβes Haus in dem Vorort.“
Sarah sagte nichts. Sie kuss Klaus.
Klaus hat, warum habe ich dieses Mädchen zu viel machen, gedacht. Er liebt alles das Mädchen. Sie ist lustig, und schön, und intelligant, und freundlich, und mehr.... aber warum hat sie gesagt daβ wir zu junge sind. Er kenne diese Antwort nicht. Er ist von verwirrt.
Klaus und Sarah bummelt an der Strand. Die Nacht ist sehr ruhig. Das einzige Ding konntest du die Wellen on der Strand krachen horen. Es war ruhig und friedlich.
Car shopping is fun
Went to the bank the other day and made my final payment on my car. TWO years early! I was so proud of myself. And now that i have it paid off... time to buy me a new one... but it has to wait until after OZ... but i am thinking along the lines of an SUV... because of my future location of school.. Grand Forks... very cold, very snowy, need that comfort too!
Doubt i will buy anything other than a GM product. I just love the intergration of technology into their automobiles.
Lets do a poll... should i buy...
the envoy
the trailblazer
or the equinox
drop me a line and tell me what you think...
Supporting one company at a time everytime i visit the Grocery store
Awww I hate all of you Atkin's Dieters and all you people that have had to force HoHo's to file for bankruptcy protection. The Missouri based company, Interstate Bakeries, which makes Wonder Bread, Hostess Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, and much more filed for chapter 11, hoping to keep their doors open and the bread rolling off the line.
I blame the chapter 11 on all you crazy fools who want to ruin your life by not eating bread... but FINE... ruin a company while you trim your wasit line.
In order to keep "Suzy Q" from selling herself on the corner of Broadway and Pine to some greased up lawyer wanting to have a good time, I have decided to take up the task of eating more twinkies and ho ho's. I encourge the same from the rest of you. So what you are on Atkin's or on a diet... we are talking about an American icon. HO HO's! TWINKIES! SUZY Q'S! WONDER BREAD! Just go to the gym more.
Cheers
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CARDS
CONGRATS to the St. Louis Cardinals. They were the first NL team to clinch a playoff spot. With a record of 97 wins and 50 losses, and with the closet team behind , the Cubs, at 15.5 games, the Cardinals are gearing up for the playoffs come this October. And for that all important World Series which my parents have games 3, 4, and 5!
This is the Cardinals year. We going to win the world series, and construction on the new stadium is actually ahead of schedule. Its very cool looking, they even have a countdown giong already... there count down is much longer away than mine was for OZ... but its only 568 days until the new ballpark opens!
cheers
no touchie
I needed that last night. I needed a break from the daily torture of uni life and work. I needed that to become the carefree student. Last night, after gettting off work, i headed to a party, thrown by my old roomies. Yes it was great. Lots of fun be had. Beer Pong... More beer pong... and even more beer pong. Mike and I talked a lot. I think we get along much better when we dont live in the same room. Mike and i piled into his car around 5 am or so and headed to Jack in the Box for some food. Stopped drinking about 5 or so in order to sober up for the run...
HAHAHAHAHA...
was so not sober at 9am...
stumbled to the courthouse, didnt sleep at all. got a 10 min nap on the steps at the courthouse until others started showing up.
first person was a professor at the uni, her partner was sick and unable to make it. We talked a lot. I like her.
Others showed up... mothers, professors, workers, union guys. Donations for tees poured in. I have only 2 left out of the ones i got sent. People walking by just donated money too. that was awesome.
Walked and talked with all the ladies... the guys ran ahead. Dad's with strollers and kids on bikes rode the course. People in cars driving by, gave thumbs up, or smiled or waved. No one hissed or booed which was great. I love BLUE states.
Met her partner... she is very nice... gave us water on the walking route... all is great...
People stopped us after we were done and asked many questions...
So with great response i am doing it again next Saturday...
Came home and crashed at my desk, until 4 or so....
talked to scottie on the tellie... YAY... :-D
ARGH my head hurts.... too much drinking and not even sleeping... off to run against bush... be back later to crash on the couch...
Just a thought
I was watching this tribute to 9/11 the other day on CNN. And the reporter was comparing the 1910's and 1920's to the our current times. He said that in the early century anarchist were telling people to conduct massive protests and civil disorder, because they thought the rise of corporations were going to be the end of the world. But to compare the times of the early century to the times of today? Thats ridiculous. Today is far more complex. We not only have to worry about the fear of corporations but the fear of terrorism, the fear of world disorder, the fear of rampant idealistic individuals.
And of course that fear leads to even more fear, and the spirling effect takes control and the constant bombardment of fear just ends up consuming our lives. People turn to faith and religon to comfort them in times of fear and anexity. And it can be a comfort to some, but my arguement is this.....
It is said that GOD is the sole creator of the cosmos and the universe, he created everything in six days and he rested on the seventh. He created the heavens and this place we all call home, Earth. He put together the land and developed the seas. And in his perfect creation he created Adam and Eve, two creatures modeled after this perfect being.
And here is my problem with the whole creationism concept, GOD created human beings, he gave us life, a soul, and intelligence over the other animals, but he left out several key concepts. He is allowing us to destroy ourselves, he gave us intelligence, but that intelligence is destroying our way of life, our souls.
I use the analogy of a mother and her child. God is like the mother and human beings are the children of GOD. If a child is doing something that is hurting themselves or going to hurt others, the mother would step in and tell the child stop it, or she would stop the child herself. So why isn't GOD stepping in and stopping us from killing each other, stopping us from developing these massive weapons of distruction? Why are we allowed to kill others over differences?
This is why evolution and its concepts bleed well for me. We evolved from primates. We have 99.99 percent of the exact same DNA. And this is were you can see where fear and power come from. When we evolved from primates it was a tough world, we were definitely not at the top of the food chain. It was a struggle each day to survive. When you went out of the cave, you had a fear of being eatten. So this fear saved many people. Those that were weak and not strong/ not powerful didn't survive. So you can see were the need for power comes from. Evolution hasn't weeded out our lack of a need for power yet, but i do believe one day that fear will be weeded out and it wont be a nessessary evil.
Some can say that "fear" is a mental state, not a physical one. But I disagree. Fear is embedded from the moment we wake up in this world. We fear the unknown, we fear the bright lights of the hospital, we fear everything except that motherly connection. So that brings us back to the motherly connection we have with GOD.... a mother would do anything, even intervien for the betterment of the child....
So where is God?
We have three states of humans: EVIL..... SAINTLY... and IN BETWEEN
Evil people are those such as Hitler who through their thoughts and need for power moved millions into believing his causes.... and then there is Mother Teresa, who gave her life up to help the needy... and then there's the rest of the world... those in between... they give to charity occassionaly and think bad thoughts about thier boss after the boss embrasses them and denounces their ideas...
So how can we go from extreme evil to extreme generousity and everywhere in between? All of us are exactly alike. Even people who look different on the outside, who thinking in diffrent ways, who express themselves different are exactly identical in DNA terms... and that is damn interesting. Just think, we share the same DNA as Churchhill, as G.W. Bush, as Cindy Crawford, as Tony Blair, as Nicole Kidman, as Nelson Mandela, as every human being on this Earth.
So just think, next time you fear some social change, some world power developing nuclear weapons, some asteroid crashing to Earth, someone of a different race, colour, or gender that we are all the same, right down to the core of our exisitence.
cheers
P.S. I do not denouce religon, i just believe personally that religon has been the instigater of many many wars with no end in site. Relgion is suppose to be about compassion and warmth, no blood shed and wars.
Only you can prevent forest fires
All i want to do is play this flash animation over and over again praying that I will be down under when the shit hits the fan. This is the shit i am talking about. My god the world is going to end. N. Korea and S. Korea are racing to arm themselves with nukes, and we got a president that says he is more worried about terrorism on our own soil and shrugs off the Koreans.
WTF!
Is he THAT stupid?
Hello Mr. "President", N. Korea just launched a nuke weapon it could hit California and any western coast state within mins. And you arent worried. Well shit, neither am i now that you got things under control. I guess i can go back to working my job that pays shit, begging the banks for more money and a longer loan period so i can pay my tutition bills, and just go without healthcare. All because you have things under control. THANKS buddy!
What the worst part is, that the United States says its just a forest fire. Yeah because N. Korea's forest fires are different than the US's forest fires in the fact that they look like giant smoke clouds shaped like mushrooms. I am no fire expert but doesnt smoke take NO shape because it is subject to wind currents and that it doesnt go straight up to form a canopy shaped like a mushroom?
How much more coverups/ crap/ bullshit will the American public swallow? I know i am not buying it.
Frankly i trust outside opinions more than i do that of our own news media. BBC/ Sydney Morning Herald you both have my attention... report the truth.
cheers
Posters Posters oh where art thou?
Seeing that today is Saturday, I thought campus would be deserted and that I could hang my posters in peace. Oh was I wrong, but not to worry it wasnt bad interruptions, all were positive and GREAT. I had to hang up my "approved" posters first inside the buildings which was no biggie. All is good.
While hanging up the posters on the koisks, several staff members doing some research stopped me and wanted to know if they could hang any extra posters i had in their offices!
Hell yah... want more i can print more, i told them. She said good, go for it. Several other staff members wanted to hang posters in thier offices too.
Then a guy picking up his kids from those special weekend classes that the uni offers to the local community. He stopped me and told me that he wanted to run a race in st louis were he wanted to wear a pin stripped uniform and some negitive bush stuff and they wouldn't let him and that this way he could get his message out. I say yeah great!
SWEET... things are working out.
Cheers
A dictoral power falls beneath Us.
The powers of a dictatorship reign here at SIuE. Having most of the posters ready to hang on campus because of my start time being set, the date set and the location finally set, I was ready to post flyers on campus. We have Kiosks but we only have 3 of them on campus and really that's not many. So I had to get approval to post more fliers on campus outside the borders of the kiosks. I have to get approval from the student organizations. No biggie... Yeah right.
I was told since it wasn't a student organization and that it has questionable tastes that I needed approval from the Dean of administrations. Ok
So I head over across campus to the luxurious Dean of Administrations office. I was very polite, I feel at if you want something in life, and you need the help of others to be utterly nice and overly sympathic and present yourself with a sharp wit and that they will come around. This was not so true for the Dean of Admin. His secretary, looked hastely at the fliers that I got from BEN in DC and she told me the Dean would not approve this. I asked if she would just take it to him and she did. He looked over the website, looked at it again.... and again.... and again.... and again... for about 10 mins. Until he said fine.
It's not like I am going to cause massive protests on campus, and really what if it did, isnt that the American way? Or is it the "new, post 9/11" American way to supress non conformist and tell them that they need to conform for their own good.
So after he approved it, I hurried out the Kerry hating/ Bush loving office, and went back to get the student organizations approval.
This is a righteous pain that feels better with every moment. I have felt the pain of suppression and rised up against it, albeit just a stamp approval, I feel much better living with myself.
Cheers.
demos are just as cute
Whomever said that Republicans were hotter than Democrats obviously never met the DC people invading St. Louis suburbs. Brett, just opened the St. Charles office today, and was in the O'fallon office gathering up extra signs and posters. My god, he is drop dead breathe taking gorgeous. He definitely one of the most beautiful people i have seen.
He told me that he would run it by the office and that if i had any extra copies that he would hang them/ pass them out to his base. So... yes I am printing up extra copies to personally delevery to the hottie named Brett.
Run Against Bush Update
WHERE: Madison Co./Edwardsville Courthouse
WHEN: Sept 18, 2004
TIME: 9am
LENGTH: 2 to 3 miles
WEAR: only blue shall be worn
CHEERS
Extra Ordinary
So the weekend was a much needed break for me. The rigorous stress of school has already gotten to me, well not completely entrenched me but it has put a burden and a great deal of stress on my shoulders. Anyways, Sunday was definitely the highlight.
Sunday: Met up with Aaron and we headed off to Chesterfield after I returned a needless componet to Best Buy, so I had some extra cash on the Discover card, YAY! We got there around 1pm or so, it wasn't too crowded yet, but a fair amount of people had filtered in. I had a free ticket and free meal plan from my dad. Yeah he reprived himself a bit this weekend. But not a lot. Aaron and I looked and toured all the cool military aircraft from the old days.
Near the enterance there was a special spot set up that was giving helicopter rides for a fee. I thought it would be very cool to ride but frankly I really didnt see the point of spending that kind of cash on something I couldnt proudly wear or eat. Right? So after a bit Aaron and I split, because he couldnt come into the place where i got my food, so he just wondered around a bit. I ate dinner/ lunch with the parents.
Mum pulled me aside, (this was the first time she has spoken to me in weeks) and said, if you convince your dad to go up in the helicopters, I will pay for you and your dad.
Holy shit!
DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna go up in the helicopter! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I drug him to the line. It was FREAKING awesome. It was one of those old Vietnam helicopters with the open sides. Amazing views. I wished I could have taken my camera up but they didnt want things falling from 750 feet up in the air onto the million dollar houses below. Smart thinking i suppose. At one point the helicopter went to turn and if you have been in an airplane its the same concept, it must bank to turn. On one turn i was looking straight down to the Earth while my seat was at about a 45 degree angle. AMAZING!
The parents left after that, and so Aaron and I set up our hay stacks to sit on, grabbed some dinner and enjoyed the first act. Sister Hazel was stuck or at least part of the band was stuck in Florida thanks to that stupid hurricane. So a local band filled in. They were pretty good.
Then there was a twilight airshow. It was really quite cool. the lights from the planes zipping through the sky, and the amazing acrobatic manuvers were just breathtaking.
Then the concert i waited for weeks to see.
BETTER THAN EZRA.... ~live in concert in st louis.
They are amazing. If you dont have their cds, you are depriving yourself of GREAT music. They were just unbelievably great. I just cant explain it in words. I got so many pictures and even a mini movie clip. My ears still hurt from the concert, of course i learned my first offical concert rule. NEVER stand by the speakers.
I even bought a tee. I look hot in it. Trust me.
All was great. Just great. Nothing less than that.
cheers
A go, A no go. I just dont know
Sat down to discuss some papers and homework assignments with the German professor today and she talked in English for the first time... God bless her for that. She asked me what my major was, and I told her i was declared as an English teacher but i only did it to please mum and dad. She told me that was not good enough. I told her I am interested in sociology but my heart really beats for aviation. i told her that i really dont want to fly anymore but i would love to do something related to Air Traffic Control. We got into the schools that cater to that program and she told me, just take out loans, your profession will make enough money to cover the bills later. And i thought, she is really right. ATC people make 45k to start out. not bad eh. So... why not go to OZ the full year, take out a loan and then transfer to north dakota when i get back. Just go up there and do a double degree. One in sociology and one in ATC. that way i can get a move on.
I have issues flying at my head from all different directions and yet i still dont know what i want.
Why cant someone tell me what to do, i work much better that way.
cheers
Moans and Groans (not the good type)
Yesterday was not such a good day, but it's amazing what a good nights sleep will do to you in the morning. I had one of those moments in life in which you say screw everything and concsequences be damn... you know those moments.
I've basically decided to just study in OZ for a semester. Really whats the point of going for a year? I first thought, a semester wasn't long enough. But it is four months. I could stick around a bit and travel too. Feburary thru July is a good long time in a foreign country. That way I can come back, get a degree and finally move on with the life, that i really just want to start.
Julie has been keeping me motivated with encouraging words. So that is a positive. And the guys that chatted with me, left me messages have been nothing but fantastic these few days. I thought last year, that if i stayed busy, that i wouldnt become this lump on a log, and i wouldnt have to figure out what is wrong, what i am missing in my life. But staying busy isn't helping much. In fact it has only stressed me out even more. When i had to email friends about this Run Against Bush event, i just sat there, with no one to email.
Yes i have friends, they live in central Missouri, and eastern Texas, and eastern Illinois, Vancouver, and even all the way down in OZ, but no one local to help make this event possible. I guess it's hard to realize that you have a difficult time making friends, whether it's because you are shy, or keep to yourself, or that you are afraid that they wont agree with your thoughts and ideas, but you know it's hard to make friends for any one of those reasons or a combination of them.
Don't get me wrong, i like the guys i hang out with. I like my roommates, i like the guys on campus or people i see in the classroom, but there is this connection that i am missing.
Ok thats enough whining for today.
Cheers
Blah
Today was not a good day. Today was not one of my finer moments, but instead of bitching about it and feeling all "helpless" I am going to continue to do my stuff, do it my way, and do it to the best of my ablilities.
Pyscho class consisted of mass surverys to help us find our deeper selves... it just brought back painful memories and will probably do nothing less of sending me back to the pshyco's office for more therapy.
The meeting with Julie (study abroad advisor) well, lets just say, thats the major source of disappointment today.
Mum knows I am incharge of this "run against bush" thing and expressed her disappointment and outrage today. She refuses to speak with me now. Her loss.
Run Against Bush Update: all is ok, i hope.
Location: Madison County/ Edwardsville Courthouse
Date and Time: September 18th, 2004 @ 9am!
Walk: 2 to 3 miles!
Wear BLUE! no RED
cheers
